Kamis, 19 Januari 2012

Letters i cannot send

December 1, 2011
Dearest pyeoul..
I wanna scream first, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……huufftt…wait that’s not enough. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  >o<

Well, you might wondering why do I scream all of sudden..hehehehe…miyane.. I am sorry, I am just soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. Guess what, I met Christian Wulff today!. Well, if you don’t know him, let me tell you, he is the president of Germany.

Me? Met president of Germany? I haven’t even met president of Indonesia, our own country. But I met leader of one of the biggest country in the world.

That happened earlier today, I went to central library of ui, just to finish my mekflu task, but they say the library is closed sue to the arrival and general lecture by president of germany. Euuhh, you know, I hate walking back to my house, it’s so faraway, plus the weather was really hot. So I choose to join the lecture. It was free after all :D

So, I sign myself. I did not know what to expect, I just thought, I cannot wait outside and see this armed forces. Scary.

So I walked and wait for 45 mins. There, in hallway to auditorium, I met this woman, we introduced ourselves. Her name is uswatun hasanah, she is married, having two kids already and is pursuing doctoral degree in taiwan. Whoa! What a smart woman, I thought. We talked to kill the time, finally christian wulff came in, but we could not go inside the auditorium due to its limited capacity. So i waited outside with mbak uswah and we signed to be Jerin member.

After 1,5 hour, finally the lecturer is finished. Me and mbak uswah choose to stand on front side, then christian wulff approached and he greeted us. I’m so excited and just talked loudly to imply his words, he saw me and walked towards me. He asked me several questions and I answered it perfectly. He was very warm, very nice in person.
Hohohoho..i might not be able to go in the auditorium but I talked to christian wulff in person, face to face. Oh my…I wished I could scream that time. And oh! I also met B.J.Habibie for the second time. But he walked so fast and I also met adrie subono, but he look so anxious that I myself not dare to say a thing to him.

Beside me, mba uswah kept texting and calling her husband. He called him sayang..of course, it was her husband. From our conversations, he looked like very supportive on her and respond her well.

Oh darl, I wished I could call you that time just like mba uswah. I really envy her talking to freely about her activities to her husband, while I got none to call, none to talk to. i felt excitement but only to myself. It would be nice to share those excitement to someone I love..

Darl, please come, please let us back like our old time. When we can call each other freely and I can share my stories with you.
Nan bogoshippoyo

January 1, 2012

Hi my dearest person. The man I love so much.

How are you today? New day of new year. Woow, it’s more than a year since the first time we meet. You know, I am listening to christina perri’s song, a thousand years.
I miss you so much. The setting of the vidclip is edward and bella’s wedding. So sweet… the words fit so perfectly. Will you and I end up the way edward and bella did? Well, I hope so…

I never stop waiting for you, just like the feeling of edward, feels like I’ve been waiting for you a thousand years. I still remember the feeling by the first time I met you. You were there, calling and talking right next to me. Make me freeze that moment.

I was thinking, like : oh here you are. So…you are the person I’ve been longing for, the person I slowly fall in love with, eventough I barely knew it. You here, in front of me. The love I dream of, finally stand before me.

I could not say anything. I really wanna hug you that time, but since it was our first meeting I could not do it. I just smiling to you. I keep it in my heart. No one else fill my heart like you do.

I love you, no matter what.

January 10, 2012

Dear pyeoul, I can’t stop thinking about you. I love you so dearly and somehow, today, I miss you so much.

I saw ur fb status, you are going out with your friend today, aren’t you? Do you ever think of me when you go out? As I always think of you everytime I go to library, campus or elsewhere. I always imagine you’re by my side. I read it, it seems like I’m obsessed with you. Trust me, I actually not. It’s just that I feel lonely many times, I got no one to talk to, no one would listen to my story nor ever anyone ask how am I doing. I miss your presence. I miss your smile. I miss it when we talk crazily for hours.

I miss you, as always. And I always pray for Allah to send you here. Just come and visit me once a while. It will be okay for me. I will not ask much. I’m trying to understand you. Who am I after all? Just a stranger for you. But I have never wanted to go back to that situation when we were completely stranger. Shiro! Andwae! I don’t want that!.

I got an exam today, I just finished study. It’s basic fluid mechanics subject. I don’t know how I’m going to answer the questions tonight. I just want this to be over asap.

In the next three weeks, we shall meet, pyeoul. But I actually scared. Scared of how you will behave. I’m scared that you will ignore me. But I gotta face it. I won’t run, though It may hurtful. Really, I have no idea what will happen. If you ignore me then all my effort will go to waste. But I gotta be tough. Just like what I promised to you. If it’s not you going here, then I will go there visit you.

Tears fall from my eyes as I’m writing this. Chongmal appuda, chongmal dap dap hae. Really hurtful, really suffocates.

Nunmuri chakku huruda, nega bogoshippo, chugulgo katta, ihjeya arasso? The tears keep flowing, I’m missing you so much, I can’t hide it, do you understand my feeling?
This thing, I can’t tell you. This letter I can’t send to you.

I ‘m way too scared, I can only look down. You never reply me back. My heart crushed to pieces.
See you,

January 12, 2012
Dearest pyoul…
How are you dong today? The clock says 2.11 pm jakarta time as I am writing this letter to you.  It must be 3.11 pm in bali. How’s the weather in bali? It’s been so long since the last time we talk about weather, aren’t we? Usually, we always have different weather. Like, if I have sunny day here, it probably cloudy for you there. But if you feel the hot sun in denpasar, then I found rain outside. Seems like it is so indifferent but on the other side, we completing each other.

You must be finished working by now, right? Usually, you tell me the morning shift isn’t as busy as other shift. Except maybe government held special and big event in denpasar then the units got to run. That’s also applied to Gima’s unit. At the time like this, they only produce 80 MW, but on busy they, the machine running to its full capacity.

Bali. Again and again.

You know, I already purchase tickets back and forth from jkt-dps and dps – jkt. We shall meet soon. I can’t wait for that. Really. I miss you so much. Eventough I still scare how I’m going to react to you. 

Sadness and happiness, both shadowing my footsteps. I feel so down when I’m thinking I’m going to face you. You seem so conceited. I have no confidence at all.  Maybe because I’m longer know you. I wish by my visit to dps, our freezing relationship will melt under the sun of bali. I hope so. Eventough I can’t figure it.
I always love you,

January 19, 2012
Dearest pyeoul..
How are you doing today? I don’t go anywhere today. Feel little bit sick. I’ve been sneezing since yesterday. Yup, I guess I caught flu, maybe because I always walking in rain these days.

You know, yesterday I sell my novels, my precious props. i’m hoping to receive some cash, you know, my another love, my ipod is broken, so I need to find more money so that I can get it fixed. But the thing is…my novels worth so poorly that my heart is broken. Oh my goodness..i really wanna cry when I made the deal. But nothing I can do about it. The book bussiness is hard, trust me, darling.

I am wondering what are you doing now, are you just finished working or you still in the gym, doing your fave workout. Somehow, I kinda dislike that. Cause I see you a lil bit cocky after you gaining some muscle mass. You, kinda like man in tv, who’s showing off their muscle. Oh gee…those things I really hate it. But nothing I can do about it. I’m nothing for you, just like usual. I must hold the tears back. Holding back, like there’s nothing happen, or pretending as if my heart and mind are okay.

Really, I miss you everyday, I really wanna talk loudly and laughing along with you. Just like we used to do. I am listening to our recording just few minutes ago. But I can’t stand it. I just can’t. it hurts me too much listening to it. This is strange, I used to love your voice so much, but listen your voice stabbing my chest. Felt like our conversations are empty. You were there, but not your soul. You no longer laughing, only mumbling and grunning around.

I miss you, I love you, always. Please be kind to me, please look at me. I am longing for you love.
That’s what I am hoping for..
Love you, always

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