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Tampilkan postingan dengan label The Unsent Letters. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label The Unsent Letters. Tampilkan semua postingan

Kamis, 29 Agustus 2013

For My Future Man

This actually just something  wrote for fun. Not to mention specific person hehehehe :p

Little letter :

Maybe there is no such thing as eternal happy ending, but at the end of the day, i know you're the one i can find my peace. A sincere smile that brings happiness in my life.

I wanna be with you, sharing the good and bad times. Walking hand in hand, hugging the secret world that only we know. We careless of other things.

Just simply you and me..
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Rabu, 22 Agustus 2012

Hanya Untuk Tuhan

Assalamualaikum Warrahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Dear Allah, this is the second letter i write to You as my grateful feeling towards You.

Dear Allah, since You always watching me, i know that You knows best for me. Allah, i surely can't pay for each bless You sent on my path. Eventough my married plan already flushed away, but still You keep showing Your love to me, to this weak person.

Allah, yes, You took him from my side for he may not the best person for me and yet You replace the sadness feeling of losing him by pouring me good friends who always stay beside me, accompany me and making me laugh to forget my sorrow.

Both in my tears and my happiness i found You. I cannot fully express how grateful i am now, but to say alhamdulillah for all the time. Eventough at the same time i have this illness inside of me, but knowing and understanding Your love helps me going through this difficult times. At first, i was afraid of dying, that doctor's judgement of my health. But so far, with my faith in You, i'm sure that i can fight this illness. Just as Your promise, within patient, victory shall exist.

God, You show me so many things, taught me the best lesson through daily events. i will never want to lose my faith in You.You the One i trust, The Best Teacher that guides my life.

I wanna live as a true moslem. To breathe in the air of Your Love. Please forgive me of my sins, Dear Allah. I can't live this life wthout Your light shine on me.

The Oft Merciful and The Oft Forgiving.
The Almighty, Allah, i praise You. Be my witness of my act, God..


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Rabu, 01 Agustus 2012

A Letter To Allah

Dear Allah...

I know, my position in front of You may means nothing, for i simply a low and weak human. I just wish that You will always stay by my side and never let me fall into devilish act. Help me, clean me, bring me into pureness like a rose blossom in dawn for i afraid of Your anger, of Your Hell and i solemnly wishing a path to reach Your heaven.

My Dear God,
I know, You won't give me this illness if its beyond my ability to overcome it. I truthfully believe in You. Please put patience upon me, widen my soul and help me to see things better.

Dear Allah,
I have two side of thoughts. Part of me saying that i gotta fight for my life, i gotta fight for my health, gotta fight for chance to be a better moslem. But on the other side, i really wanna ask You (which i am afraid of), i am really tired of going back, visiting hospital each year. I don't wanna be sick, be as healthy as other people. Why do i have to have this very weak body? I am afraid of this sickness, Dear Allah. I am afraid that it'll cost my life. I don't wanna die yet. I know this is such a horrible and full-of-ego wish, but yes, i am afraid of so little chance in future to improve myself in front of You.

Dear Allah,
This girl, this very weak girl hoping for Your help desperately. I will push 100% effort to overcome this sickness. Please Allah, have a mercy on me. Please strengthen my faith in You. I will not give up for i know You always there, watching my every act.

Help me to find the righteous way to reach Your bless and Your heaven.
Amiin ya Rabbal Alamin
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Senin, 07 Mei 2012

Always, You

Aku melihatnya dalam hening
Saat matahari mulai tenggelam
Dan malam pun menjelang

Bagai denting-denting kristal salju
tumpuk menumpuk siap menikam
Menusuk menembus hatiku
Kamu.

Meski hanya dalam sekejap mata
Hadirmu mengisi kesuraman perasaan ini
Ada cerita yang dulu pernah kubagi
Ada tawa lepas penuh bahagia
Diselingi tangis berbalut haru

Begitu kuat ingatan akan dirimu
Betapa kamu terharu mendengarku membaca
untaian harapan yang kutulis untukmu
Kamu berkata : "inilah kesempatan kita
bahwa takdir menuntunku untuk menemukanmu"
Dan hatiku luluh mendengar derai airmatamu
Dari seberang sana..

Aku tak ingin ikut menangis
Aku hanya ingin mendengarmu ceria
Bagai matahari menepuk pagi
Sampaikan salam hangat pada lautan

Meski nadaku goyah,
aku hanya ingin kau tahu
Aku tak pernah melepasmu
Tak satupun kenangan kuhapus
Biarlah ia tetap disana
sebagai bagian dari kisah lama

Matahari kian redup
Seiring perjalanannya di bumi
Tenggelam di ufuk barat dihiasi langit keemasan
Matahariku telah terbenam
Kini kelam tutupi malam
Hening tak berderap
hanya sesakkan mimpi
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Selasa, 24 April 2012

Letter #10

dearest pyeoul.....
How are the things in denpasar? or you might be in malang? i don't know news about you anymore. I only keep you in my memory. Today is your birthday, isn't it? I remember it very well. I will not forget you, eventough you may already forgetting everything about me.

People say, one's person beginning is another person's end. Yes, i guess it is true and that principle applies to each of us. My love story with you came to its end, and yet your story with her have just begun. Life is not fair, me, waiting for you so faithfully and yet you throw me away as if i am worthless for you. Very mean, but i try to smile. Sun will shine to me, someday...
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Selasa, 10 April 2012

Letter #9


Dearest pyeoul

How are you my dear? Can I still calling you that? I hope you don’t mind, cause I always love you here. Well pyeoul, the weather are very cat and dog here. It’s sunny in the morning and as the day turn to noon, it changed t be cloudy. Well, I wish it won’t rain soon or if it’s need to be rain the please, just a tiny rain, I have errand to go to library today. Not really an errand but just because I miss going to library hehehehe .

You know pyeoul, eversince I work as a private teacher I barely have time to go to library. Cause I always on road, moving from one house to another. At the beginning it was crazy, I took lots of schedule o teach, believing myseilf that I need to be busy in order to forget you. But at the end of the day it was all go for nothing but sickness. I got cold, typus and other disease from overwhelm tiredness.

My dearest foolish man, that act I did was really reckless, cause I did not think of myself. In fact, I am weak as always. Everytime I become busy I always sick. My friend warns me, she said I’d better taking care of myself because having typhi too often can lead one to a bigger and dangerous sickness. Well, I’m so thankful that I have friends remind me of that. Health is one of the most beautiful gift from Allah that we should keep it closely.

Oh woooooooowww. This kinda weather Is really make me sleepy. Cold air surrounding me. I need to knock my head and remember my purpose to go to library..hehehehe. well, I guess enough for now. I’ll writing again for you after I reach library. 

See you my dear. 
Always and always love you.
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Letter #8


Depok,
a cloudy day here.

Assalamualaikum. 
Hello pyeoul..how are you doing now? How’s your bussiness going on? I really wished you success on anything you do. Well, it’s been quiet sometime not writing letters for you. Sometimes I myself feel missing it like crazy of writing letters for you. You are the one I can share my stories so honestly. The one I can share my thoughts of things, of events and so many other opinion on how life goes on.

I promised myself not to cry again, but just now tears are shed from my eyes. I cannot help it. I still loving you so much and I miss you very badly. I tried not to be selfish, that I should not think of you anymore and focusing more of myself, cause I know I need to love myself too, but I failed. Many times, pyeoul. I keep thinking of you, keep praying for any possible future with you. Call me a foolish, yes I am. Once I decided to give my feeling to somebody I cannot let it or crushed right away. It takes time and I don’t know when will I be ready to open up my heart again. This time around I just wanna be alone. I don’t wanna look to the outer world. Yes, just me and my tiny less complicated life.

Pyeoul, a mother I know she advised me this : don’t ever give your heart away 100%, you should give only 10% when you’re dating, maybe 50% when you’re engage and just 65% when you’re married, so when things turn to the other side you don’t want to (let’s say when you broke up), you still have pieces of your heart, so you couldn’t crushed entirely. Well, it seems very easy to say, bt I myself can hardly figure it out. I always believe you should give it 100% on anything you do, to show you’re committed to it. Because if it’s not 100% then it means you’re not serious in reaching your target. Well, I guess maybe I need to change my perpective. Hurting this badly from a relationship is hurtful and it feels so hard getting to my zero point, for I have fallen to a deep ravine. I miss you, pyeoul, eventough I only met you for three times of visit.

Yes, I couldn’t pretend to turn my back away, pretend like there’s nothing happen between you and me that you just a person I know from faraway. We created a dream together before, shared hopes, of what we wanna reach in future. It was beautiful, wasn’t it pyeoul? And I always want to remember you that way. Never I really hate you for I always love you and wait for you here, to comeback to me.

Yes, pyeoul. I love you.
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Minggu, 11 Maret 2012

Letter 7

Assalamualaikum...
Dearest pyeoul..

Hi my dear..how are you? again..i cannot send letter to you nor i know recent news about you. But (as always actually), as i miss you here, somehow your shadow appear, answering the missing feeling inside. I don't know, suddenly news about you appear, i did not reading much, but i know you are okay there. I take a deep breath, though i feel terribly sad, but i always pray for the best thing to come your way. I really wanna curse you just like other people when they broke up with their partner, but i can't. I just look down and close my eyes, remembering you as pungkas, the man i love, not the man i hate. I can't.

A month ago, i was in Bali. Yup, at this date, we went to Uluwatu. The exotic cliff really captured my sight, eventough i had gone there once. I knew, we could go to several more places nearby because those place were in Sarbagita's busway track, but i couldn't ask for that. I did not care of sightseeing, i just want you to stay by my side. That's it.

Funny huh? i always imagining myself married to you. I already doing some research about the wedding location, the food, the bouquet, the dress etc. I am not so fond about the idea of luxurious wedding, i just want a simple wedding, a happy moment that i could share with my closest family and friends. But fate says other way, i must accept the fact you are no longer my-soon-to-be-husband. My dear.........

Baiklah, daripada sedih terus-terusan, aku lebih baik lanjutin nulis suratnya seperti biasa. Hari ini aku ga ngajar kang, awalnya dapet panggilan ngajar ke Meruya, itu daerah perbatasan antara grogol dan tanah abang. Kalau dari Depok, aku mesti naik kereta ke stasiun tanah abang, dari sana aku lanjut lagi naek angkot M11 ke Meruya. Tapi untungnya anaknya lagi pengen libur, jadi aku ga ngajar. Lumayan juga bisa libur, belakangan jadwal ngajarku penuh banget, rasanya capek mesti pindah dari satu rumah ke rumah lain. Hari kamis kemaren aku sampai ga masuk mata kuliah Pengendalian sistem soalnya aku pikir aku telat dateng ke kelasnya. Aku sengaja menuhin jadwal kosong buat jadi pengalih pikiran aku supaya aku ga terus-terusan kangen akang. Tapi gimanapun juga perasaan itu masih sering muncul. Kegiatan aku sekarang nonstop dari jam 5 subuh sampe jam 11 malem. Kadang-kadang rasanya udah mau ambruk tapi aku terus maksain diri. Mau gimana lagi, aku mesti ngalihin energi yang aku punya supaya aku ga sedih mulu.

Oh iya, pas kemaren aku lagi ngerjain tugas kelompok di kosan temen, aku nonton acara mancing mania itu. Seru ya ngeliat para fishers (asumsi aku aja ini bahasa inggrisnya hehehehe ;p) mancing di laut lepas, mereka mancing ikan yang warnanya biru gitu, tapi aku lupa namanya. Mancingnya ampe jauh ke Australia. Bener-bener hobi orang kaya hehhehe.

Ngeliat pancingan mereka, aku jadi inget waktu kita ke Nusa Dua kemaren. Waktu di water blow ada banyak orang pasang pancingan disana. Aku waktu itu ga habis pikir, sebanyak itu pancingan deket-deketan, benangnya ga kelibet apa yah?? hehhehe, setelah aku nonton mancing mania itu baru aku tau ternyata kalo di laut, kemungkinan kelibet benangnya itu kecil.

Waktu kemaren aku ikut tio mancing ke kertalangu, aku diajarin ama dia mancing itu bawal. Seru juga ya, aku pikir awalnya yang mancing itu kegiatan paling ngebetein cuma bisa mandangin si pancingan doang. Yah mungkin karena di kolam kali ya jadinya ikannya lebih gampang diisengin ama kail. Tapinyaaa, aku ga berhasil mancing si ikan itu. Kemaren udah sempet kegigit pancingnya 3 kali, tapi kata tio aku kurang cepet nariknya. Yassalaaaaaammm, sudahlah, nasibku jadi pemula sih.. Lagian jariku lagi berdarah-darah pas aku mancing, bukan karena kena pancingannya, tapi waktu itu aku lagi demen ngelukain jariku.

Waktu itu aku liat akang dateng dari jauh, walking slowly to the fiching arena. But you didn't even look to my face. Aku sedih, temen akang si meneer itu sampai pasang tampang prihatin ke aku. Hufftt, aku ga punya pilihan lain, cuma bisa sedih sendiri dan itulah terakhir kali aku ngeliat akang, ngeliat punggung akang yang berbalik arah membelakangi aku. Baiklah sayangku....gimanapun aku berharap kamu mungkin ga akan pernah kembali lagi...


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Rabu, 07 Maret 2012

Letter 6

Dearest pyeoul,

I dreamt of you last night. Why is it so hard to forget you? or i guess it is my heart, my decision not to forget you.
How are you doing there pyeoul? It's been so long for me not contacting you. I am no longer updated any news about you. My heart actually crave for you and somehow today, i miss you so badly.

You know, i dreamt walking in Sesetan, that area where i walked alone crying when i was in Bali. I dreamt of going back there, walking with a a very sad heart knowing you left me. Then, still in my dream, i walked to the Sarbagita's shelter, you were there, standing firmly on the path to your dorm house. I could only see you from afar. Oh pyeoul, do you have to torture me this much?

Pyeoul, my sisters are going back to Bali to have vacation, but i am not going with them because i just recently went to Bali. Even so, they still asked me to go along. I refuse them. I cannot go back to Bali. Too soon while my heart still in pain. If only our relationship is okay, i would definately agree going to Bali.

My darling, i always miss you.
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Letter 5


Pyeoul, you may not miss me. But i always think of you here. I tried to be so busy, those effort actually goes for nothing cause at the end of the day, my mind goes back to you. I love you so much, as i always do.

-march 5, 2012
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Letter 4

I miss you, pyeoul. I miss your presence, your lovely smile. I love you. Always, unreplaceable.
-february 27, 2012.


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Kamis, 23 Februari 2012

Letter 3

Assalamualaikum...
Dear pyeoul..

I am counting the days. Why time can't run any faster. I am barely awake each day, just like a zombie. I am way too afraid of taking chances now. I still can't forget you, you still appear in my dreams, almost everyday now and when i awake, my face is swollen, cause i did not sleep well.

I just found out that girl is appear to be my friend on facebook. I just remembered that she added me in 2010, but i have no prejudice, because i just get to know you, so i think it is okay to know more of your friends too. But when things turn this way?? i never thought of it.

I don't know what to feel. I find a dead end. I stuck here. Tell me, pyeoul, where should i run. I wanna wake from this nightmare, i suffocate each day. I confused.....

I cannot hate you for i still longing for your presence here...
i mss you
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Rabu, 22 Februari 2012

Letter 2

Depok, on a very sunny warm day.

Dearest pyeoul, how are you? is today your evening shift? well...so amazing ya i still remember your schedule, never once i ever forgot that. Always longing for you.

Pyeoul, i have things i did not tell you on my previous letter. You know, when i arrived on Soekarno-Hatta airport, i could not find my mother. Dad said, mom will pick me at airport, buut when i looked around i did not see her and when i called her, she didn't pick up the phone. But after 25 mins of looking around, i finally met my mom. Suddenly, my tears fell. I realized, i missed my mom so much.

We took the damri bus to pasar minggu. On the bus, i told her everything. I didn't hide a thing. I told my mother of your story and that our relationship ended here. I said sorry to her, because i felt disappoint her, that she already accepted and liked you. But mom took the news so much better than me. She said gently to me, "it's okay, my daughter. Maybe it's just not your fate to be with him. Come, stop crying, no matter how hard you cry, he will not looking back at you for he already choose another person".

I hugged my mom and she rubbed my head, felt so comfortable. I kept crying but yeah, she still not blaming you for anything happen, pyeoul. Eventough her eyes show disappointment too. Mom is so much tougher than me. And she still appreciate you for goodness you did to me.

Have a nice day and keep healthy..
Eve
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Senin, 20 Februari 2012

Letter 1

Depok, the town of rain
Assalamualaikum...
dear pyeoul...

How are you today my dear? i always missing you here. I really wanna text you, call you and have light, full of laughter conversation with you. But i can't. I feel miserable about this.


Pyeoul, it's exactly been a week since i left Bali. All those sad, tearful and yet cute memories playing inside my head. Thingking about it drown me to tears. I miss you so badly. I actually wanna send you letters as usual, but i can't. How come i send letters to a man whose heart no longer mine? even worse, to a married man? No, i cannot do that. I have no power to express my feeling for you.


After i count it, we only meet every 8 months. After you visit me in october 2010, i visit you later on june 2011 and lastly february 2012. Will i meet you again in the next 8 months? well, i doubt that. Guess we won't meet each other any time soon, or even in the next few years. My heart still hurts. I feel lonely actually. Days grow longer as i know you no longer stand beside me.

Pyeoul, you know, i have deleted everything about Bali, either from my phone nor my laptop. I just can't see it. I guess it took some time to love Bali again, cause Bali reminds me so much about you. You are the reason i came to Bali. The love that i expected to be my fate, but then it turn the other way.



I miss you here, as always. And i used to write these letters as an exchanging way of communicating with you. But if you never miss me as i do, then, what's the point sending you letters? We had become the player in Dear John movie. You're going to marry the other girl, while i keep waiting for you here. You let go of my hands and our promise to stay faithfully while we're away and we wait untill we become halal for each other. Pyeoul, you are the love i hold for all this time. I still hardly accept the fact we separated now. Feels like everything still going normal, but when i remember the whole thing, i begin to cry and the nightmare starts again...


The pain is too much to bear, my love.


I miss you, always and always......
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Forwarding

Always Looking On The Brightside