Kamis, 09 Februari 2012

Chemie Opso (no fun at all)

I am so guilty. Yes, guilty as charged.

I lied so much, maybe this is the time that 80% of my appearances in front of someone else so fake. Yes, i'm ini bali, and i actually hoping for a nice holiday. In fact, things going too far away from the first time i expected.

No fun at all. When i stay on this person's house i know, she's going to many of her relatives coming and i got confused how to blend with this people because i don't know at all but they know each other very well. It makes me wanna runaway. I actually wanna go to unit too, but i can't because of regulations. So i spend the day wandering around gilimanuk doing nothing. I feel lost as if i am floating on the sea. bang ricky is busy and so everybody else, i got no one to talk to, no one to ask and play around. i longing so much to go to  gima and denpasar,but i can't handle this much of hardships.

then i go to denpasar and it's just as worse as gilimanuk. ipunk ignores me so much. i feel tremendously lonely. while i'm expecting him to be a little bit nice as he is the only friend i got here. Some people are very conceited..

now i confuse of what i should do. i have no idea at all. i lost yesterday and ended up crying all night.

This isn't a holiday but a waste of time, energy and money. i don't belong anywhere and i can only crying alone. Oh Allah, help me, shed some light on me.

Everytime i talk to other people, i always smile, talking merrily and laugh so happily, but i fact, i feel far from that. I feel very lonely and the day feels very gloomy. Oh Allah, i actually wanna cry and hold myself on. i wannna hug myself, protect pieces of my soul from destruction. My eyes are swollen. i don't feel like wanna do anything. i am lost.

Oh Allah, i don't know why this must happen to me. I always been a good girl. Always studying, never i do something bad. I always go to library, help mom's business, help others, barely complain with others eventough i have many assignments. Really, i am a good girl. So is it so wrong for a good girl to have holiday sometimes? just for a short time for she always very patient dealing with so many things? this is not fair. There are many other people, other girl who do so much worse than me, but they can easily have what they want. Allah, You not fair to me. You know, i never speak too rude, i always stay silent, praying as good as i can do, i never going out with boys too, i stepping away from mortals joy. But why i can't have just a fair holiday?? Allah, be fair to me. i am begging You, please..... help me.

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