Kamis, 09 Februari 2012

Bali : A journal

-sunday : jakarta, Soekarno - Hatta Airport
1 hour to depart

Mom and dad are very nice today,they accompany me to airport keep staying by my side, especially dad. Relax parents, trust me, i am not gonna misuse your trust. I've been a very good girl for all this time and so i always be. I m not gonna let you down.

-sunday, stuck in bus, on the way to gilimanuk
8.30 pm

This is crazy. It's very very stupid traffic jam for 2 hours straight now. they said it is because of some accidents. The road from denpasar to gilimanuk awesomely awful. Parah dah. Panes banget bo. Pengen mandi gue. BAhkan macet di jakarta ga parah begini. Macet di jakarta? wajar! Macet di bali barat? rada ga tau diri tuh namanya. Cuma daerah pedesaan tapi songong pake acara macet.

-monday, mba viena's house

well, not so excited. I am still so tired plus feel like a miss-match puzzle. Will be delighted when i moved to denpasar. This time around, not many people around. They already hit the beach. Tomorrow i gotta go around myself. Don't care of others. What shoud i do? i feel very strange.

-monday, 9 pm
gosh, capenya abis bantuin bugkus souvenir nikahan mba viena. teler abis. kemaren cuma bobo 3 jam. berisik banget disini. tepaaarr. tadi maen ke unit. aneh, rasanya terlalu asing. aku kaya ga kenal mereka. kaya mulai dari nol. banyak jeda yang aneh. aku ga ngerasa cocok lagi disini. denpasar, i shal come!

-selasa, february 7, 2012

this holiday is the worst holiday i have. i am really sad. i am not belong here anymore. i am not belong to bali. everything feels so wrong. i feel lonely. very very lonely. i should not coming here. i only make a fool to myself. is it because my parents and sisters against this plan?
tings not workout, so i guess i\'d better give up. igo gwenchana aniguyo. semuanya terasa asing and everybody ignores me. i am a miss-fit puzzle piece. even ipunk is very cold. i can't talk freely to him evenntough he's the one i consider as my friend here. really, i feel like floating on the sea. or maybe like a pingpong ball. people throw me all over the place. this is confusing. better go to denpasar as soon as possible. can't stand this much of crowds :'(

-selasa, 11 pm

i used to be under limelight, this time i should help myself on. i feel sad, yes it's true. but i can only cry alone. i am not belong anywhere. gima or denpasar. not even in bali. sakit sekali rasanya, nyesak di dada. aku ga kuat. lukanya terlalu besar buat aku hadapi. I am losing my ground. aku pengen pulang aja. aku terlalu banyak bohong. di luar, aku berusaha ceria dan penuh senyum tapi sebenarnya aku sedih. aku terus-terusan nangis. Ya Allah, tolong aku....

-rabu, ip's mess

this holiday is no fun at all. whether i gima or denpasar. i've given up.uljimara, nayege nan. I try not to cry, 've been crying all night for hours. till now, i still wanna cry. i just hold myself up. yugo right, sometimes you better give up on useless effort. i wasted my energy, time, money by going back to bali and i got nothing. tremendously nothing but endless tiredness. appuge hanun gol. nayege marhebwa, noye maeumun shikuro.

i guess i shall lose few more kilograms as i return to jakarta later. i am such a fool. how come i will be this pathetic, i never thought. i lied so much. forcing and telling myself eevrything's alright, eventough i am not. i always cry. very miserable. waktuku percuma disini. mungkin seharusnya ga ke bali. liburan ke mal aja ama caca, isya atau bella. yah atau mungkin liburan d perpus, pinjem buku, minum hot choco, duduk di tepi danau, ditemani angin semilir yang berhembus melewati danau. melindungi diri aku dari kekesewaan yag begini besar. tolol sekali erwita ivana. pada akhirnya, semua yang diusahakannya jadi sia-sia, jadi abu dan debu.

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